No, yeah, I got ghosted.

Lessons learned (or not), self compassion, and snippets.

I was recently ghosted for the first time ever.

I’m not special, I just happened to be in a relationship for 13 years - it ended last spring, and I began dating again in the fall - and this is my first time as an active member of the dating pool since the term gained popularity.

Casually dating in my 40s as a person who’s been to a lot of therapy has been quite the exploration. I’ve been careful to take responsibility for my own feelings and my part in every dynamic, and each interaction has provided an opportunity to learn something about myself and how I show up in relationship.

So what did being ghosted teach me about myself?

Nothing.

Literally, nothing.

Because it has nothing to do with me.

There is nothing I would change about my behavior or communication with this person, and there’s nothing I would change about their behavior or communication with me — up until the moment they dropped off the face of the earth. Or died? I certainly considered the possibility. That line of thinking is, I am told, a canon event.

There is a version of me who would have chased after them, who would have tracked them down and demanded answers. There is a version of me who wouldn’t have felt comfortable sitting with my own feelings, for fear that the not-enoughness would take over. But instead of being consumed by that version of myself, I have compassion for her.

It’s wild to take a step back and realize that the work is working.

I don’t know what happened, but I do know that it’s not mine to hold. One of my first big ah-ha moments post-divorce was that it could have been good and it could have been forever, but it’s not, so it’s not. What’s mine will be mine, so what’s not mine isn’t. Nothing good gets away.

Is it sad? Sure.

Confusing? Yeah.

Correct? Yes. It’s correct because it is.

And while the experience may not have taught me anything new about myself, it did solidify my values and commitment to honest, direct communication. And it did give me additional information about this person—information that outweighs everything they told me about themselves. Because they showed me who they are, and at the end of the day, that’s a gift.

(Unless they died, in which case, fuck. RIP?)

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snippets.

A peek at where I’ve been and what’s been on my mind.

The year of the snake. I returned from Christmas ready to bid farewell to 2025 and dive into the new year energy. And then my office flooded. And my computer lost all my recent editing work. And there was a gas leak in my house. And I’ve been without an oven for a week. And I slammed my thumb in my car door and it clicked all the way shut. We’re not even three weeks into this thing. But Chinese New Year isn’t until February 17, which means we’re still wrapping up the shed. One more month until the fire horse takes over and I’m counting down the days.

26 in 2026. I made a list of 26 things I want to try in 2026, mastery and monetization be damned. I’ve already solved a Rubik’s cube and taken a wax carving jewelry class, and there’s so much more to go. I’ve never been good at doing things I’m not immediately good at, so this is a practice in just…trying.

Africa. I’m third wheeling on my friend’s family vacation to South Africa and Namibia in the spring. I’m not doing any of the planning, so 100% of my attention is focused on how many cameras to bring and whether or not I need new pants. (Spoiler alert: I do.) I don’t know what content will look like while I’m traveling, but I am dedicated to documenting the absolute shit out of this experience.

Updates. There are some very exciting changes (and consistency!!) coming to my Substack this year. If the paid subscription rate adjusts accordingly, it will only apply to new subscriptions—all existing paid subscribers will maintain their current monthly or annual rate. I will make an announcement before any changes take place to give folks a chance to hop on the legacy pricing. I can’t wait to share more!!

Fuck ICE. If you’re looking for a way to support Minnesotans being terrorized under this occupation, please consider direct aid to CANMN: Community Aid Network MN.

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